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Indian Jokes in Hindi


Funny!
rem patra  
		
From: TejasMehta@aol.com 
Subject: Yeh Prem Patra Padhkar, Tum Naraz Na Hona... 
Johnny Mera Naam 
Piya Ka Ghar 
Choukee No. 11 
Teesri Manzil 
China Town 
Date: Nav Do Gyarah 
My Dear Anamica': 
You must be surprised to receive this Prem Patra' from me. 
Let me make my Pahechan' to you as Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge'. 
Though I am an Awaara', I am also your Deewana'. 
		
I am making you a Prarthna' to enter my Zindagi' as a Priyatama'. 
Even though I do not have any Sambandh' with you, I still consider 
you as my Dream Girl' with Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka'. There are only 
Do Raaste' left for me. One is to get your love by Tyag' or to go 
the Rangeela' way. Wouldn't you like to be Mere Jeevan Saathi' as 
you are Lakhon Mein Ek'? I also hope that you will Guide' me in 
Bahar' as we are made for Ek Duje Ke Liye'. 
		
We will live in Naya Zamana' where we will have a Suhana Safar'. 
In this Himalay Ki God Mein', our Bandhan' is going to tied with 
Preet Ki Dor'. I hope that we will have nothing but Anand' in 
Ye Dillagi'. Aren't you bored of Akele Hum Akele Tum' life? Let this
Baazigar' be your Boy Friend' and we start Pehli Mohabbat'. This 
Chahat' is going to lead to a Milan' where you are 
going to call me everyday for Aao Pyar Karen'. Now, Phir Kab Miloge' 
as Tumse Accha Kaun Hein'? As you know my love is Himalay 
Se Uncha' and hopefully our Mulakat' will be An Evening in Paris'. 
		
Aa Gale Lag Jaa'! 
		
Hum Aapke Hain Koun...?' 
		

Funny!
This is a list of top ten dialogues in hindi movies
 
  10.     Kuttay, Kameenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga
  9.      Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga
  8.      Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?
  7.      Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.
  6.      Bacchhhaaaaaooooo.....
  5.      Yeh anyay hai bhagwan
  4.      Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.
  3.      Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho.
  2.      Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai.
  And the number one statement is .....
  1.      Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.
 
  Here are the best of the rest...
  - Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain
  - lo...muh meetha kar lo
  - mein yeh shaadi nahin hone doongi
  - aaj pinky ka janam din hai
  - yeh aap kya kah rahen hai, bhai sahib
  - Bhaiya !!!!!!!!!!
  - Ma, tum kitni achchi ho
  - Aaj mein bahut khush hoon (usually to be followed by a tragic turn of
 events)
  - arre isse to tez bukhar hai
  - Nikal jaa mere ghar say...
  - Hatoe naa, log kiya kahengay
  - khabardaar joe mujhay haat bhee lagaya and the best:
  -  tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ...
  - jug jug jiyo beti/beta
  -  gurkha, ise dhakke maarke bahar nikal do.
  - Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..
  -  Ab tumari maa hamare kabze main hai
  -  Pulis ko tum jaise naujawanon par naaz hai
  -  Driver, gaadi roko
  -  Tum jaise gandi naali ke keede....
  -  Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta"
  -  aur ye bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor
  -  tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai 
jaati hai.
  -  Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai
  -  Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe
  -  (hero/heroine opening their eyes on a hospital bed)
     Main kahan hun?
  -  Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha?
  -  "Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu"
     followed by the jug jug jiyo beta
  -  "Yeh sauda thumhe bahut mehenga padega" ??
  -  Bhagwan, maine aaj tak tumse kuch nahin manga, aaj pahli baar kuch 
maang........
  -  KANOON KE HAATH BAHUT LUMBE HOTE HAIN
  -  Aey jee!  Aap bade woh haiN!

Funny!
Indian Stars in Hollywood (Compiled from rec.music.indian.misc)

Francis Ford Cuppwala
George Sehgal
Matt Dhillon
Richard Giri
Giri Giri Peck
Charan Stone
Sindhi Crawford (okay not really a film star - maybe in Pret-a-porter?)
Ved Astaire
Sehmbi Davis Jnr
Frank Sahotra
Rehman Chandler
Ali Verhardy
		

Funny!
Sindhi lawyer:  Case-wani
         Sindhi lawyer after a case: Purse-wani
         The blue-skier sindhi:  Akash-wani
         Supplied in south indian hospitals: Nursing gum
         Desi who falls at people's feet: Charan Singh
         Desi who falls at peopls' feet and stays there: Gir charan Singh
 
  
 
         What is a smart Malayalee called?
         Debo-nair.
         What is a dynamic malayalee called ?
         Pheno-Menon.
 
         Why did the malayalee crossed the road ?
         Simbly.
 
         What did one Bengali voyeur ask another?
         Keyhollo.
 
         How was wire invented?
         Two marwaris spotted the same coin.
 
         Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
         Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
 
         Why is India a banana republic?
         Because Rajiv keeps chanting, "Hame ye banana hai, wo banana hi
 
         What is a communist Sindhi called?
         Lalwani.
 
         What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called?
         Thadani.
 
         What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called?
         Kriplani.
 
         What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called?
         Marjani. 

         What are the degrees of egoism in Tamil Nadu?
         I, Iyer, Iyengar.
 
         What is a jiving Sardar called?
         Breakdan Singh.
 		
		

Funny!
		 Khalistan Jokes:
         Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa
         Khalistan National Bird:  Tandoori Chicken
         International Airline:    Kitthe Pacific
         National Airline:         Itthe Pacific
         National Anthem:          Sten gun man
         National Taxi Service:    Kar Seva
		

Funny!
  
 What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
 Just-beer Singh.
 
 What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
 Just-one Singh.
 
 Khalistan's national song?
 Bande marte hum.
 
 A female Khalistan terrorist?
 Hard Kaur.
 
 A famous Khalistani profession?
   Jarnailism.
 
  khalistan history  ..   SARSON-DA-SAGA
 
  the great wall of khalistan  ..   LONG-O-WALL
 
  national dish of khalistan  ..   AKALI-DAAL
 
  the dirty drain of khalistan  ..   BAR-NALA
 
  a sikh scuba diver  ..   JULL-UNDER SINGH
 
  a better adapted sikh diver  ..   JULLUNDER SINGH GILL
 
  a bald sardarjee  ..   BAL-WANT SINGH
 
  what does a sardarjee say to a whore ?  ..  WHORE JEE, KI HAL HAI ?
 
 
 Q :- Why do you say (Bhagwan Shri) Rajneesh detests city life ?
 A :- 'cos, from Koregaon he went to Oreg(a)on.
 
 
 Q :- What is the most noteworthy contribution of the Sindhis' to 
      Hindustani Music ?
 A :- Raga Kirvani.
 
 
 Q :- Why is A.P the land of underwears ?
 A :- 'cos there they keep saying - yemUNDEE, chappUNDEE, koorchUNDDEE etc.
 
 Q :- What is the (State) Anthem of A.P ?
 A :- telan-gana-mana ...
 
 
 Q :- What is the most famous jingle in A.P ?
 A :- A.P days are here again ...
 
 
 
 What do you call a bong who talks a lot, sometimes without making  sense?
         Mr. Chatter Jee.
 
 Who is that guy visiting the Golden Temple everyday?
         Har Mandir Singh.
 
 What do you call a very rich Malayalee?
         Million Iyer
 
 Who is he who has many publications to his credit?
         Journal Singh
 
 What do you call a bong who takes bribe?
         Mr. Goosh
 
 Who is he who visited the Russia-China border?
         Long Wall
 
 Who is that guy who enlightens others?
         Lanthanwalla
 
 What do you call a sikh female's boyfriend?
         Her Pal Singh
 
 What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a
 white flag in his hand? (This had appeared on SCI long long ago.)
         Surrender Singh
 
 
 Q : What is a rich malayalee called ?
 A : Millionayar
 
 One more here
 
 Q : How does a malayalee spell the word 'MOON' ?
 A : M - O yet another O N.


		

Funny!
Ramar Pillai was roaming on top of the himalayas one day when he found   
the magical herb ... "main scientist to nahin... magar ai herb , jabse 
dekha maine tuzhko   muzhko chemistry aa gayee...."
       
he became a instant success in his village . people said
       
" jaadu tera fuel , khushboo tera herb ...".
       
for 10 long years he went on happily singing
       
"herbal hee herbal ho daaman mein jiske, kyon na khushi se wo 
diwaana ho jaye..."
       
until one day when he got a call from the dept. of S&T . in his 
mind ramar knew "patta patta boota boota , haal humara jaane hain..."
even then he accpeted the invitation . at the station scientists from the   

dee-ass-tee and eye-eye-tee were waiting eagerly
       

"kabse kare hain tera intezaar , kab aayega mere pillai ramar..."  . at   
the institute they asked him "jaadugar pillai toone yeh kya kiya ..?"
       
so ramar assembled them and said "mere paas aao mere dosto ek kissa 
suno... kai saal pahle ki yeh baat   hain..."
       
after that he was unceremoniously dispatched to his village ..
"musaafir hoon yarron... naa herb hai.. na thikaana"...
he was afterwards asked to demo his experiment which failed
"badi mushkil hai khoya mera rod hai.. koi use dhoondke laaye na.."
       
the sigh(!)- en -tists were depressed
"jaane kahan gaya wo herb , kehte thhe jiske patton se petrol hum   
banayenge.."
       
for ramar it was " main scientist badnaam .. main chala..ho main chala.."
       
the world said "scientist nahi..  paagal hai tu.. fraud bada ..dukhdayak 
hai tu.."
       
the villagers when interviewed said "wo to hai albela , hazzaron mein 
akela , sada tumne herb dekha , fuel to   na dekha..."
       
but for the dst and iit it was like "aisa zakhm diya hai , jo naa ab 
bharega , her jawan pillai se ab ye department darega.."
       

and now pillai stays a lonely dejected soul . when he was last   
interviewed he said " ye kya hua ? kaise hua? kab hua? kyun hua? jab hua 
, tab hua ..chchodo   ye
naa poochcho..."

		

Funny!
*********************************************************************
       Here is an Aarti for "Computer Baba"                        

*********************************************************************
 
            Om Jai Computer Baba,
                   Swami Jai Computer Baba
             Client logon ke sankat
                   Tu hi door karta. !!Om!!
 
             H1 Tune Dilaya,
                   US Tune Pahunchaya.
             Sunneyvale Ho Ya Fremont,
                   "ABCD" Har Jagah Hi Paya. !!Om!!
 
 
             Oracle Ho Ya Sybase,
                  Sabka Beda Paar Ho Jata.
             Programmer Ho Ya DBA,
                   Koi Waapis Na Ja Pata. !!Om!!
 
             Tujh Bin Calculation Na Howe,
                   Tujh Bin Program Na Howe,
             Tujh Bin Kuchh Na Ho Pata,
                   Swaami "CORE DUMP" Nahin Jata. !!Om!!
 
             Yeh Computer Baba Ki Aarti
                          Jo Koi Nar Gata,
             Uska H1 Bhi Jaldi Se
                          "HARA PATTA" Ban Jata. !!Om!!

*********************************************************************


		

Funny!
 A sardar PHd in Atomic Physics goes for an Interview all the way from 
 Chandigarh to Delhi for the post of a Prof. Once he reaches there he 
 is told that the vacancy is already filled and that he can go back. 

 The Sardar insists that he be interviewed.  After much ado, 
 the interviewer agrees to interview the Sardar and says, 

 "I will ask you 2 questions and both the questions have 2 parts. If you 
 answer majority, i.e., 3 out  of  the 4 questions, I will employ you 
 even at the cost of the selected candidate." 

 The sardar agrees. The Interview goes like this: 

 Interviewer (IVR) : "Koo Chug Chug... Kya hai?"  

 Perplexed Sardar(PS) : "Saab yeh to Train hai"    

 IVR: "Excellent. Woh Shatabdi tha ki Rajdhani?"  

 Zapped PS : "Yeh Kaise batha sakthe hain??"  

 IVR : "Please Sardarji, I am the one to ask questions. Give answers  only."  

 PS : "O.K. Aapne badi jaldi Jaldi Chug Chug bole, tho it must be Shatabdi."

 IVR : "Nahi Sardarji, woh Rajdani tha. Koi baath nahin, do our sawaal hain. 
 Aap theek se jawab denge tho naukri mil jayegee."    

 IVR (showing his hand like an aeroplane taking off) : 
 "Yeh kya hai: ZZZzzzzzz00000mmmm."  

 PS : Yeh tho aerplane hain saab.    

 IVR : "Excellent sardarji! Yeh last sawaal ka jawab dedenge tho Naukri 
 aapki hi hai. Woh Indian Airlines tha ki Jet Aiways??"  

 PS : "Saab aap ajeeb sa sawwal phoochthe ho. Anyway Aap ne badi Uncha haath 
 dikaye they, isliye, woh Indian Airline Hogi?"    

 IVR : "Sorry sardarji, woh Jet Tha. Koi Baath Nahin. Aap ne do saie  jawaab 
 diye. Ek aur saie jawaab diye hote tho mein aap ko eh naukri de detha."    

 An Obviously bugged sardarji said : "Koi baath nahin saab, mein bhi aap se 
 do sawaal phoochna chahunga. Aap jawab dedenge tho samjunga ki aap ne teek 
 interview liya."   

 A rather happy IVR said : "Teek hai sardarji poocho."  
 
 PS (after making a oval shape with his index and middlfinger and showing it 
 to IVR): "Yeh Kya hai?"

 A zapped IVR : "Yeh kya kar rahe ho sardarji?"    
 
 PS : "Ab, mein sawaal phoochrahahun. Aap jawwab deejiye." 
 
 IVR : "Yeh to Chooth Hein."    

 PS : "Yeh aapki MAA ki ya Behan Ki?"  

Funny!
Ghat jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A :  Western Ghat.

Q :  What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A :  Sabudana Khichdi.

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A :  Cool-karni.

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A :  Ba-gul.

Q :  What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A :  Urmila MakkadTondkar.

Q :  Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?
A :  That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :


Mumbai-ite jokes :-
Q :  How come the Bombay Ranji team has so many fast bowlers?
A :  West Indians are natural fast bowlers.

Q :  How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay) wag their tails?
A :  Up & down. Because, they don't have enough space to wag sideways.

Q :  What did one tamarind in a sack tell its neighbour?
A :  "I feel as if I am travelling in a Bombay local". :


Bong jokes ( no knowledge of Bengali reqd ):- :
Q :  How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A :  A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q :  How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A :  He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij. :

Q :  What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A :  After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit. :


Calcuttan jokes :-
Q :  What does a Calcuttan who has a lot of time do? And what 
     does a hurrying Calcuttan do?
A :  The one with a lot of time takes some public
     transport(bus/tram). The Calcuttan in a hurry would walk.

Q :  Why are Metro commuters like Dawood Ibrahim?
A :  Because they are underground.


Delhi-ite jokes :-
Q :  Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness
     and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is 
     the best place be in?
A :  Inside the bus.

Funny!
       Kabhi jab tumhara H1 expire ho
       Green card renewal ka tension shuru ho
       Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
       Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
       Tumhare liye 

       Abhi tumko meri zarurat nahin
       Bahot bodyshoppers mil jayenge
       Abhi Y2K ka ek saagar hai USA
       Jobs jitane chahoge mil jayenge

       Yeh bodyshoppers tumhe jab satane lage
       Year 2000 ke problems khatam hone lage
       Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
       Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
       Tumhare liye 

       Tum young ho, nadaan ho, ambitious ho
       West is the best mein believe karte ho
       Pata hai ki tumhe mujhase bahut pyar hai
       Per paisa kamane ki yehi umra hai

       Prejudice se jab tum tang aane lage
       Tumhara junior jab tumhara boss bane
       Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
       Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
       Tumhare liye 

       Biwi-bachche to pahale khush hi honge
       Dishwasher aur microwave ka kamal hai ye
       Shopping or sightseeing ki enjoyment hongi
       Heaven on earth ki feeling karib hongi

       Bahchche jab dating ki shuruat kare
       Aur biwi Honda chodke Benz maangane lage
       Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
       Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
       Tumhare liye 	

Funny!
Tamils are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what they
think, at least!).They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi(Hindi). The more
common Madarasi (chennaisi...,now?)is an ardent fan of kireeket matches.
Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak
Hinglish like ...are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya Ill go akela!"And
they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar. The BEST
hypocrites in the world.
Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have "simble"neighbours in the keralites who
are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the
middle east, I guess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they
have excellent GK , eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of tyre shops
in the world and form 99% of nursing community.
Not far begind the kerals is the telugu desam, who are totally againesht
flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out
withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu
(fleet).Worustu,no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu,Microsu and
COBOLu!Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them
judgingu,probhingu, queschioningu othersu ...)
The Canadians, excuse me, the Kannadigas aor (are) the coolest lat dobun
south but if there is political unrest in Hersogovnia oare (or) an ebola
virus outbreak in Zaire, they bash up the Tamils in Karnataka. Cauvery very
bad! When it comes to Rajkumar (actor), if a fly sits on his nose, theyll
burn the entire city of Benglore to kill the fly! To hell with Silicon
valley! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu, filamu are
some of their favourites.
Maharashtrians are a conservative, confused,complex lot-kar. -Kar, that is
because gavasakar, tendulkar,bahulkar,.. confused that is because sitting in
southern part of India they would ask the other person "are you from
Maharashtra or from south India..?" and genuinely wonder why the otherperson
takes some time to answer the question.They like the principles of pheejix
and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay (god knowswhere that
came from). Although soft, peace loving people but they elect the shivsena
to rule them.
And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the Gujjubhais. They like to
keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes like
paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. They gobble down
palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the brotherhood and
sisterhood of man and woman(everybody is a bhai or a ben).
If you go further eesht, you land uf Udissa- the land of irron (runsilent)
where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people are bery
cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask you B or Bhe. They do not
sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the wasbashin. James
Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero,jero,sebhen.
Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas ChondroBoash
and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was
also pretty good) and everybody is Xda. I used to havbe a friend1 by name.
Dada. Wonder...never mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery goooood,
tho!Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the
universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way,...but...
And Biharees are bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, ka isse bhadiya tumre pass
kooch hai, kaa?! spit spit..UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and
istudying metals to make lots of ishteel.
Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offerRotti Shotti Khayega! to
which I once replied No. He said Tage itu,yaar!By Godu!Surjeetu, what
happenedu, oi?!. Then of course,everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. Thats Pnjab
for you.And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be becauseof the amount of
cash spent to keep it in India)?!? I know Roja (or Roza?)was shot (I mean
filmed) somewhere nearby...	

Funny!

Taj Mahal Poetry

	As a Bachelor
		takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
		taj mahal banana chahata hoon
		lekin mumtaz nahi milti 
	As a Lover
		takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
		tajmahal banana chahata hoon,
		mumtaz mil gayi hai magar
		woh shaadi nahi karti
	As a Husband
		takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
		tajmahal banana chahata hoon,
		lekin mumtaz nahi marti!

Funny!
Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote:(
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote:)

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran

Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:)
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:(

Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Tejas Mehta


Funny!
Ghat jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )
Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A :  Western Ghat.

Q :  What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A :  Sabudana Khichdi.

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A :  Cool-karni.

Q :  What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A :  Ba-gul.

Q :  What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A :  Urmila MakkadTondkar.

Q :  Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?
A :  That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :


Mumbai-ite jokes :-
Q :  How come the Bombay Ranji team has so many fast bowlers?
A :  West Indians are natural fast bowlers.

Q :  How do dogs in Dombivli (place near Bombay) wag their tails?
A :  Up & down. Because, they don't have enough space to wag sideways.

Q :  What did one tamarind in a sack tell its neighbour?
A :  "I feel as if I am travelling in a Bombay local". :


Bong jokes ( no knowledge of Bengali reqd ):- :
Q :  How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A :  A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q :  How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A :  He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij. :

Q :  What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A :  After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit. :


Calcuttan jokes :-
Q :  What does a Calcuttan who has a lot of time do? And what 
     does a hurrying Calcuttan do?
A :  The one with a lot of time takes some public
     transport(bus/tram). The Calcuttan in a hurry would walk.

Q :  Why are Metro commuters like Dawood Ibrahim?
A :  Because they are underground.


Delhi-ite jokes :-
Q :  Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness
     and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is 
     the best place be in?
A :  Inside the bus.

Rakesh Mashru


Funny!

Here is an Aarti for "Computer Baba"

            Om Jai Computer Baba,
                   Swami Jai Computer Baba
             Client logon ke sankat
                   Tu hi door karta. !!Om!!
 
 
             H1 Tune Dilaya,
                   US Tune Pahunchaya.
             Sunneyvale Ho Ya Fremont,
                   "ABCD" Har Jagah Hi Paya. !!Om!!
  
  
             Oracle Ho Ya Sybase,
                  Sabka Beda Paar Ho Jata.
             Programmer Ho Ya DBA,
                   Koi Waapis Na Ja Pata. !!Om!!
 
 
             Tujh Bin Calculation Na Howe,
                   Tujh Bin Program Na Howe,
             Tujh Bin Kuchh Na Ho Pata,
                   Swaami "CORE DUMP" Nahin Jata. !!Om!!
 
 
             Yeh Computer Baba Ki Aarti
                          Jo Koi Nar Gata,
             Uska H1 Bhi Jaldi Se
                          "HARA PATTA" Ban Jata. !!Om!!


Funny!
		*     *     *
		
		Kabhi jab tumhara H1 expire ho
		Green card renewal ka tension shuru ho
		Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
		Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
		Tumhare liye ||

		*     *     *
		
		Abhi tumko meri zarurat nahin
		Bahot bodyshoppers mil jayenge
		Abhi Y2K ka ek saagar hai USA
		Jobs jitane chahoge mil jayenge

		*     *     *
		
		Yeh bodyshoppers tumhe jab satane lage
		Year 2000 ke problems khatam hone lage
		Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
		Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
		Tumhare liye ||

		*     *     *
		
		Tum young ho, nadaan ho, ambitious ho
		West is the best mein believe karte ho
		Pata hai ki tumhe mujhase bahut pyar hai
		Per paisa kamane ki yehi umra hai

		*     *     *
		
		Prejudice se jab tum tang aane lage
		Tumhara junior jab tumhara boss bane
		Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
		Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
		Tumhare liye ||

		*     *     *
		
		Biwi-bachche to pahale khush hi honge
		Dishwasher aur microwave ka kamal hai ye
		Shopping or sightseeing ki enjoyment hongi
		Heaven on earth ki feeling karib hongi

		*     *     *
		
		Bahchche jab dating ki shuruat kare
		Aur biwi Honda chodke Benz maangane lage
		Tab tum mere paas aana mere dost
		Mera ghar khula hai khula hi rahega
		Tumhare liye ||


Funny!

Tamils are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what they think, at least!).They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi(Hindi). The more common Madarasi (chennaisi...,now?)is an ardent fan of kireeket matches. Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish like ...are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya Ill go akela!"And they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar. The BEST hypocrites in the world.

Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have "simble"neighbours in the keralites who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the middle east, I guess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they have excellent GK , eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of tyre shops in the world and form 99% of nursing community.

Not far begind the kerals is the telugu desam, who are totally againesht flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu (fleet).Worustu,no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu,Microsu and COBOLu!Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu,probhingu, queschioningu othersu ...)

The Canadians, excuse me, the Kannadigas aor (are) the coolest lat dobun south but if there is political unrest in Hersogovnia oare (or) an ebola virus outbreak in Zaire, they bash up the Tamils in Karnataka. Cauvery very bad! When it comes to Rajkumar (actor), if a fly sits on his nose, theyll burn the entire city of Benglore to kill the fly! To hell with Silicon valley! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu, filamu are some of their favourites.

Maharashtrians are a conservative, confused,complex lot-kar. -Kar, that is because gavasakar, tendulkar,bahulkar,.. confused that is because sitting in southern part of India they would ask the other person "are you from Maharashtra or from south India..?" and genuinely wonder why the otherperson takes some time to answer the question.They like the principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay (god knowswhere that came from). Although soft, peace loving people but they elect the shivsena to rule them.

And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the Gujjubhais. They like to keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. They gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman(everybody is a bhai or a ben).

If you go further eesht, you land uf Udissa- the land of irron (runsilent) where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people are bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask you B or Bhe. They do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the wasbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero,jero,sebhen.

Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas ChondroBoash and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was also pretty good) and everybody is Xda. I used to havbe a friend1 by name. Dada. Wonder...never mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery goooood, tho!Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way,...but...

And Biharees are bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, ka isse bhadiya tumre pass kooch hai, kaa?! spit spit..UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make lots of ishteel.

Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offerRotti Shotti Khayega! to which I once replied No. He said Tage itu,yaar!By Godu!Surjeetu, what happenedu, oi?!. Then of course,everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. Thats Pnjab for you.And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be becauseof the amount of cash spent to keep it in India)?!? I know Roja (or Roza?)was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby...


Funny!

Indian Nursery Rhymes

		*    *    * 
		
		Laloo Bhai Bihari 
		Chadne gaye the pahari 
		To fetch a bail for court order 
		Laloo fell down 
		And lost his crown 
		But Rabri reigned thereafter! 
		
		*     *     *
		
		Laxman Laxman 
		Yes pappa 
		Eating money 
		No pappa 
		Telling lies 
		No pappa 
		Open your drawer 
		Ha ha ha!   
		
		*     *     *
		
		Samata party is falling down 
		Falling down 
		Falling down 
		Samata party is falling down 
		Falling down 
		Falling down 
		My fair Jaitly! 
		 
		*     *     * 
		
		Wha Wha Black sheep 
		Have you pulled the wool? 
		Yes sir, Yes sir, 
		Three bags full 
		One for my father 
		One for my dame, 
		And one for the CBI 
		Crying in the lane!	
		
		*     *     * 
		
		Little Miss Bharti, 
		Did a Maha-arti 
		So the BJP would always hold sway 
		There came a big BSP with Mayavati as its USP 
		And frightened Miss Bharti away!
		
		*     *     * 
		
		Little Lal Advani 
		Sat with the TV Vahini 
		Taking his party's rai 
		He stuck out is thumb 
		Hoping to pull out the plum 
		And said, "Can I have a slice of Vaj-pie?" 
		
		*     *     * 
		
		Batsman-bowler sat on the ball 
		Batsman-bowler had a great fall 
		All the Bookies' cookies 
		All the bribers' men 
		Couldn't put Indian cricket together again!
		


Funny!

Aapke chutkulon !



 
 


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